Editors Note: This is a guest editorial written to celebrate International Women’s Day, and hopefully inspire a little, too. We’re very grateful to Alice, backed by her team at Ubisoft, for taking the time to tell her story.
Video games have always been center-stage in my life. I vividly remember playing my first game at the age of four. I was at a friend’s house and they were playing something on the television called Nintendo. My friend pushed the Nintendo controller into my hand, I gripped it tightly and began to play Super Mario 3 for the first time. From that moment on, I was hooked. Eventually, it became clear I wanted to make video games, and not only that, I wanted to make games that would help change the world.
To me, games are not just a great form of entertainment, but also carry a lot of power in the way they tell stories (Celeste, for example, not only uses its story to communicate an important message about depression but with its gameplay, too.) This passion was the backbone that drove me forward, taking me from that starry-eyed teenager through to the career I have today as a narrative designer.
That was until I hit burnout.
Burnout is a predominantly physical condition where your body has been running on high-levels of adrenaline over long periods of time, and eventually just gives out to exhaustion. But due to the complexity of the condition, it can be quite hard to pinpoint exactly why it happens. Contrary to common thought, it is not always about doing mountains of overtime (at the time of my burnout I wasn’t doing any), and can also happen due to many months/years of working in a high-pressured environment.
[ignvideo url=”https://www.ign.com/videos/2020/02/07/heres-what-ubisofts-5-promised-aaa-games-in-2020-2021-could-be”]
At the time this was incredibly confusing for me. I was working at a company I loved, with a supportive team, on a project that excited me. It’s true that we had been understaffed for some months and I was taking on a lot of that extra work myself, but I still wasn’t doing any overtime, and besides, I really loved my job! Nevertheless, burnout happened, and my body finally gave out to exhaustion. Unfortunately, at that moment, so did my passion for video game development.
Losing your passion for a job that has been the driving force of your life is an incredibly daunting experience. What would I even do if I wasn’t in games? I had never considered being anything else, but for the first time in my career I had to sit down and really assess what I was willing to sacrifice for the sake of a job. In ten years I had lived in four different cities, in three different countries. I had been through two studio closures that forced me into unemployment, and had racked-up numerous hours of overtime along the way. [poilib element=”quoteBox” parameters=”excerpt=Losing%20your%20passion%20for%20a%20job%20that%20has%20been%20the%20driving%20force%20of%20your%20life%20is%20an%20incredibly%20daunting%20experience.”]
This is not an unusual story in the games industry. Many people have had similar experiences to mine which have seen them burn out, too. I also believe the issue is exacerbated among women and those in marginalized groups (I am only able to talk about my experience in games as a woman, however it is important to note that marginalized game developers have their own set of exhausting, everyday challenges within the industry.)
Being a woman in a male-dominated space comes with its own, usually invisible, extracurricular workload. Whether that’s running diversity initiatives in your spare time, re-writing emails over and over so that your tone can’t be perceived as too emotional/bitchy/bossy, or simply pushing yourself beyond utter exhaustion so nobody can accuse you of being weak.
[widget path=”global/article/imagegallery” parameters=”albumSlug=all-the-big-games-coming-in-2020&captions=true”]
These little things, on top of the universal uncertainty that comes with game development, stack up over time and take their toll. After I burned out, I really had to ask myself if this was something I was prepared to keep on doing. Was it all worth it? For me, that answer was yes, and will always be yes. Deep down I am still that dreamy teenager who wants to change the world. I still believe that games can be a force for good and I truly want to help this industry reach its full potential. Because of who I am, it was never really a question that I would leave games. But I know many people who came to a different conclusion, and honestly, I can’t really blame them. [poilib element=”quoteBox” parameters=”excerpt=I%20still%20believe%20that%20games%20can%20be%20a%20force%20for%20good%20and%20I%20truly%20want%20to%20help%20this%20industry%20reach%20its%20full%20potential.”]
We must do more as an industry to improve the longevity of developers. When I started at Ubisoft Massive in 2017, one of the first things management said to me was that they wanted their employees to stay for 10 years, not just until the end of a project. This is evident in the many initiatives Ubisoft Massive has to support their employees’ health and wellbeing.
Hours, for example, are flexible so as to accommodate family, appointments, or any personal things that might come up. We get a ‘Wellness Hour’ once a week to spend time on self-care, as well as a health allowance for gym memberships, exercise classes and massages. These things may sound small but they help solidify that employees’ lives at Ubisoft matter beyond the work they do. This means something.
Too many people in this industry burnout and leave. Too many women I know have reached that point of exhaustion and simply said “no more.” We have lost so many smart and talented people because, as an industry, we forget to treat each other (and ourselves) with care. We forget to acknowledge the work many are doing every day to make this industry an inclusive space, or the great amounts of energy that get expended by simply proving you belong. So this International Women’s Day let’s start a discussion about what efforts we can make to ensure that we retain our talent, to end burnout, so that those at risk of leaving find a way to comfortably stay in games.
Let’s all work towards a more sustainable industry for everyone, so that we can continue to make amazing games together.
[poilib element=”accentDivider”]
Alice Rendell is a Senior Narrative Designer currently working at Ubisoft Massive in Malmö, Sweden. She has worked on a variety of narrative-driven games during her 10+ years in the game industry. In 2014 she was named one of Develop Online’s 30 under 30 and in 2015 MCV’s Top 100 Women in Games.
When not developing, playing or thinking about video games you will find Alice curled up with a good book, surrounded by her two mischievous felines, Furi and Jin.
